Letting Go
by Casyn
Summary: Severus dies and goes to Summerland. What happens when he sees Lily? What happens afterwards? Post-DH. One-shot.


A/N-_ I do not own. Also, I don't normally write Lily. But I tried. Written by request of SpencerReid. I hope it pleases you, my dear. It is not as sad as you would have liked, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway. Anyway, reviews please. Use your words.  
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_~Case  
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It was white. Pure white and confusing. He was not quite aware of where he was. There was just nothing. Nothing except for him. The dark-haired man with the deep, nearly black eyes just stood there, his gaze finding nothing but the white light. Where was he? If he had to guess, he would have said Summerland, but it did not seem like that place either. It was just a land of nothingness.

-x-

It was when he closed his eyes and remembered, that he finally a voice. Her voice. Like a whisper on the wind. His eyes snapped open. It was no longer just a plane of light. Instead there were other people there, where ever there happened to be. People that he knew, or thought he knew at least. His eyes ignored the two men, both with similar dark hair but completely different builds. It was then that he realized that all of them were dressed alike. The two men wore the same white slacks and white shirt that he did. One of them dug his bare feet into the grass, the other just watched him. The woman though...her hair was as red and fiery as he remembered it in life. Her green eyes glared at him as her white, sleeveless dress rippled in the wind.

"Severus Snape." Came her stern, angry voice.

Lily. His Lily. But she was angry at him. Why, he did not truly understand. Nor did he realize that he would not be able to speak to her. She wouldn't listen if he did.

"Of all the things you did, Snape, the most honorable was dying for my son. But that does not excuse your crimes, you pathetic man. I used to love you, when we were children, but I cannot anymore. You harmed my son! My precious child! You are a cowardice, bad man Snape! You do not deserve to be here with us!" Lily Potter screeched, smirking bitterly at the man. Her husband and his friend started laughing. With a cruel grin, she joined them, watching with hateful eyes as the man who she once knew turned and vanished in the light. Good riddance.

-x-

It was dark there, at first. He could not see, could not feel. Well, he could feel the tacky substance trickling down his neck now, but nothing else. He was a hard man, emotionless when he needed to be. He shut down, completely shut down. There was a little light in this room now, light that showed four plain white walls with nothing else. No way out, not even a window. He had no idea how much time passed as he sat there, numb. She hated him, that much had been clear. She had been his first friend, his first love. And she hated him. But yet...he still loved her. Minutes became hours and hours turned to days. It was on one of those days that the small doll appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Perhaps it was an unconscious thought by him or perhaps it was something else. He was unsure and he really did not care. He cared for nothing any more, after her rejection. When he finally picked up the doll with a pale hand, he realized that it looked much like his Lily did. With a shock or red hair and green buttoned eyes. He hesitated, fingers wrapped around the pull-cord. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to hear those words out of her mouth again, although he could break no further. Finally he gave in, gently tugging the cord.

"I love you! You're my best friend! Friends Forever! Let's play! I love you!" Time and time again, as he continued to pull the cord, those same words came out in his Lily's voice. His Lily.

Except it wasn't Lily. It was a doll. And she didn't love him. They weren't friends. She never forgave him and she never would. She didn't love him. As it finally sank in, he started to sob, silently of course. He sobbed for days and hours, it felt like. Because she didn't love him. But he loved her. Didn't he?

Time. It was a long time coming, the day he picked up the doll and slung it into the wall. It was all lies. His heart was not cold and he could love. But he no longer loved her. She hated him, and although he could not hate her, he could forget her. Something forgotten ceased to exist, he knew. And so he did. Forget, that is. He forgot her. His Lily. She wasn't anymore his Lily. She wasn't even Lily. He forgot the red hair and the green eyes. The beautiful smile and the joyous laugh. He forgot the kind words and the hurtful words. The angry glares and the happy tears. He forgot her. She didn't exist. But he, Severus, did. He existed and he would continue to exist. His neck finally stopped bleeding, his tears stopped falling. The walls vanished and a new room, with windows and doors, surrounded him. A lab. He was in a potions lab. And he could brew to his heart's content for the rest of his days, if he so chose. Because he was no longer a spy, no longer a teacher, and no longer pining over something he could not have, something that would have destroyed him anyway, turn its back when he needed it the most. It was gone, he didn't even remember who it had been now. But here he was, alone in this lab. And although he was resigned to being alone, without companionship, he did not mind so much. For there was strength in solitude and he rather liked his peace and quite. Severus Snape was nothing else anymore, he was just, simply, a man.


End file.
